I have Lyme disease. I’m not here to raise awareness on how debilitating Lyme disease is, how little funding there is available for research or how doctors lack the necessary training to understand the complexity of what this illness is. Yes, Lyme disease is a pandemic people are suffering from silently. I am also not here to share my heartbreaking journey I had to go through starting with the moment Lyme entered my life or the challenges my family had to face because of it. Instead I want to share something magical that happens to many people everyday when they end up with a devastating and a debilitating illness. I want to talk about the humbleness and the life appreciation you gain when you get sick.
See from the young age on I have always been independent and never ending force in this life. Anybody who spent time with me always made remarks on how I would become this important, highly accomplished person one day. Everybody was sure of it. Well I was persistent, always knew where I wanted to go, worked hard and gained more determination with any obstacle I’ve ever faced. Right before I became a person that was bedridden, I was a successful career women with a clear vision and working towards a goal, I was very involved in my children’s school despite the stereotype towards working mothers. I attended every event they’ve had, volunteered at their school and of course took my children from activity to activity. I went to the gym 3 times a week and I worked to improve myself professionally by studying, taking classes and obtaining certifications. My marriage was great. We were very social, we had date nights, and we entertained large groups of people at our home. I had this idea of what a strong woman was and I made sure to hit every item on my list.
When I became completely bedridden and dependent on others, I learned quite a lot. I shed a lot of silent tears. I wasn’t able to take care of my basic needs like eating, showering, dressing up. Can you imagine how hard that was for a person like me? A person, that’s always in control, didn’t even have control on when she ate, showered or changed. After much frustration, depression, helplessness, I learned tears weren’t a sign of weakness. I was not a robot without any emotions. I learned I wasn’t a jockey racing to reach a finish line. Most importantly I learned it was okay to ask for help.
It took a long time for humbleness to surround me. Learning humbleness through illness isn’t the easiest way to get there for sure. When you become sick, your job, household chores, running errands, cleaning the garage, organizing your closet, sticking to your schedule, and keeping up with the image of being the perfect woman, mother, wife, friend seems so insignificant. Yes, you take a beating from life on a whole new level. Yet, your priorities completely change. It is like diving for the first time. Once you go under, despite having an oxygen tank, at first you think you are drawing. You panic. Then, you adjust and open your eyes to a whole new world. A world where you are more free than you’ve ever been on land. I know Disease is ugly. All the things I mentioned is true. There are millions of other things about disease that’s invisible to even to closest people surrounding me. It is also true it changes your life forever in the most beautiful way. You see all of the beautiful things you were too preoccupied to see before. It takes you to the micro level of this beautiful life. You see layers of this world you cannot unsee, and the definition of beautiful changes forever.