Losing Purpose

Yes I am a fighter and I am strong. That could be a good thing or a bad thing, when fighting a disease like mine. Good thing for obvious reasons. Bad thing for not so obvious reason. See strong people are used to having a goal, accomplishing tasks and leading the way…laying in the bed, asking for help for everything or not having a specific job is not exactly our forté. So it is a bad thing, because over time we can lose our purpose. Of course I am fighting the disease and I don’t have the intention to give up. What happens when I lose my purpose and start asking the question what is the point? Let’s face it, this is not just a physical fight; it is also an emotional one.

Happiness in general

I want to quote one of my old articles on happiness directly and expand on it.

A person’s level of happiness depends on how well he/she is doing in 4 areas of his\her life (not in any specific order): 

  1. Work/School (Self-accomplishment)
  2. Family/Friends (Social support system)
  3. Significant Other (Love life)
  4. Money (Level of affordability, Stress level due to debt)

 A individual has to have at least one of these areas under control. When the rest of the areas are not going well, he/she will look forward to the one area that he/she has going well. This will allow him/her to hang in there, until the rest of his/her life gets in order. It is rare that one person will have all 4 areas in check. Quite honest if he/she did, then I am not sure he\she will have any challenge left to overcome.

Goals should be derived from a vision a person sets for himself\herself. So if you are not happy with your life look into these four areas in your life and set a vision for yourself. I promise it will be a great journey and you will enjoy the ride.

Happiness when dealing with a serious disease

I just lost category 1. I cannot work or go to school (at least for now), while I am going through ups and downs of Lyme. Category 4 is going down the toilet for sure. Lyme disease is not exactly very well accepted by insurance companies. Even with coverage with the copayments/coinsurance, supplements, tools, care and so on, the hidden cost adds up quickly. What about category 2 and 3? I am lucky that I have a loving and supportive husband, who is totally dedicated. I hope others. who is going through this disease (or any serious illness), have a partner, who will be around through the entire process. Category 2 is a tough one. I have many people in my life. Majority of them are not at the same physical location as I am. Everybody wants to help but only a few are actually capable. The rest do a great job at the emotional support part. I hope you were a personable individual before you became ill, because this is when you see it pay off. You should never be alone. During illness, all you have is the category 2 and 3.

What about the future

I bought a ticket for a metro ride to an unknown destination with no duration available and I am standing. I don’t know how long I will be sick or how bad things are going to get. All I am being told is I have to stay strong and fight it. Motivation is important throughout this process but how am I suppose to stay motivated? If I was sitting in a cubical with a promise to get the corner office and I continue to overachieve without knowing when, how long will I stay motivated to keep going. That is how overtime you will start to lose your  purpose. I understand fighting the disease is a purpose. That one big goal alone is not enough for a strong personality. There has to be more. How do you hold on to the pole during the ride, when you cannot tell yourself how soon it will be over? I might not be able to work or go to school but I found a new job – purpose. My purpose is not only to kick this Lyme guy’s butt but also to raise awareness. The idea to raise awareness for a disease that is not “trendy” and possibly save people from what I am going through gives me purpose. Having a purpose keeps me motivated. So for now, my future is about helping others while surviving my disease.

What can I say, we adjust, adopt and get going. If we cannot sit down, we might as well get a good grip and strengthen our calves. Not exactly the future I foreseen, however it is still a good one 🙂

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