It was not what I expected. In a weird way it was worse to talk to all the people in my life about my disease. I don’t have cancer, but it is not a simple cold virus either. I have to first explain what the disease is and what it can do to me. Then start talking about what I am about to go through. Answer all of their questions with an upbeat attitude. Then start all over again. It is mentally tiring. Not sure, if I want this to be public knowledge or keep it just to friends.
All I know is every inch of my body is covered with fear without anyway of escaping. I am scared, because I don’t know how bad I am going to get. I am scared what my daughter is experiencing is whether due to Lyme or not. I am scared, because I don’t know, if have the strength to fight this disease and/or help my daughter fight this disease. I randomly cry, then I feel angry at myself for making a big deal out of something not that bad (at least in my case), but then again I don’t know how bad it will get. Is it better that I don’t know what is coming? No one will know that. Just staring at my medication and scared to take it. A tiny bottle that has so much power over me.