I finally made it to one of those Lyme Association meetings. It was hard to see others in person. It is not same as reading or even connecting online. They are right there next to you. You can see their emotions as they speak about their struggles. Listening to them talk about how they were diagnosed, what treatments they have been through or how much it cost them, was upsetting to me. Although I was finally among people, who truly understood what I am going through; I felt anger within me. I cannot explain it. It makes me sad to see how they are in different stages. There were some that have been on treatment for so long, it caused me to feel hopeless. Is this where I am headed? Is this all a little motivation game for me, when in reality I might not even get better? I am already going through many doubts within myself lately.
Nonetheless it was nice to see them and connect with them. I got many hugs. I felt like I belong. I cannot wait to get to know each one of them individually. These meetings might be better for me emotionally anyhow. I know I can use courage from someone who is fighting Lyme with me, instead of all the people (who are sincere) around me telling me “it is going to be alright.” I always respond to them “When?” There is no knowing how long this journey will last. And nobody likes uncertainty.